When we finally meet ‘the one’, ‘the perfect mate’, ‘the man/woman of our dreams’, we become so giddy and optimistic. Our brains are wired to a happy source of thinking – our emotions. Everything seems to be perfect and every uncertainty about the future seems easy and nice. We’re in a perfect world with a perfect special someone having a perfect romance. What could possibly go wrong?
Sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve been through one of life’s most intoxicating drug – love and romance. Isn’t it such a cliche that we still talk about these things? Why is it so that many people find themselves in a perfect romance today and then a soul-wrenching heartbreak tomorrow? How can something so good turn out so bad? Something so beautiful into something excruciatingly painful?
At the beginning of your love story, you have to realize that it is already damaged. Not because of anything but because we human beings are marred by the sins and imperfections that our bodies and souls bear.
Imagine an aisle of a department store which are filled with items that has special tags on it. These tags are big and are very readable. The tags read ‘as is’.
Something is wrong with these items – maybe a zipper that won’t zip, a missing button, a loose screw, a cracked surface… The store won’t tell you what’s wrong of course. You have to find out for yourself. And you will find it. Perhaps after spending some time with it. There is no refund, no return, no exchange, and you can’t come back saying that the item has this damage or that missing part – because you bought the item ‘as is’.
We are at the ‘as is’ corner of the universe.
You and I.
And everyone else.
We like new relationships. As human beings, new relationships, new friends, new colleagues, new classmates – they excite us. We want to get to know new people we meet – as if it’s gonna be ‘normal’ this time around. But it’s not. Because everyone’s weird. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s ‘as is’
We dream. We dream of having a ‘normal’ relationship. For those of us who love the dream of having an ‘ideal partner/mate’ – someone who is perfect in every way that we have always hoped or imagined, we have to be careful. We could become destroyers of our relationship with our future partner/mate if the relationship we would soon have turns out differently from that dream.
Even if your intentions are honest, and perhaps even good, if you hold on to that dream of an ‘ideal partner/mate’ more than your partner/mate, you could damage the relationship even without knowing it. I know because I too dreamed. And perhaps everyone does – it’s just a matter of how hard are you holding on to that dream.
We need to be someone who accepts weird people because that’s the only kind of people there are. We need to be people who holds on to no dreams, no disillusionment about other people. Sure everyone’s normal at first. Until you get to know them a bit more. Entering into a relationship with someone means that you are entering into a weird relationship – you either accept it, tolerate it or you condemn it.
It’s good to have standards and non-negotiables and dreams but don’t hold on too tight to those ideals. Learn to love ‘as is’. Learn to accept ‘as is’. Because when the time comes that you meet ‘the one’ for you, you might just be surprised that he/she is part of the same ‘as is’ corner of the universe as you are.
Everyone has a crack. Everyone is damaged. Everyone is weird. Everyone’s ‘as is’. Only you would consider yourself as ‘normal’ – but if you are really honest with yourself, you might even confess that you could be ‘slightly irregular’.
In the end, you realize – there is no perfect romance.
And you’re right.
That’s because we are all imperfect people.
Learn to love ‘as is’.