Getting Married

How does it Feel to be Married?

5 MIN READ

May 2, 2014 By Sean Leave a Comment

You won’t believe how many times I’ve been asked this question in a span of 2 short months. I walk in a mall, I see a friend and this is the first question that pops out. I join a basketball game and while on the sidelines, I’m approached by a teammate and I get asked this question.

So to save you the asking, let me tell you how it feels to be married.

Nothing Like Hollywood

Picture this: A couple meets, they get out on a date – and they get laid on that same night. The morning after, they are on an emotional high and then they get married.

Isn’t that what we usually see on TV and movies nowadays? It’s as if love and romance come by so easy – and marriage is simply a confirmation of one’s love to another… At least for the time being.

Well here’s the truth: Marriage is nothing like Hollywood.

First, it’s so darn expensive. You won’t think of it as lightly as what they depict in the movies.

Second, it takes a lot of time and effort to get the wedding day right.

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Third, it is an extremely huge decision to bind your life to another imperfect person – and to commit to love that person sacrificially.

That’s why a lot of people don’t get it!

It’s because people nowadays think that Hollywood is what you make of weddings and marriages.

Well it’s not that simple. My marriage to my wife is a hard-earned relationship, (actually for the most part, I wouldn’t even use the word ‘earn‘ as she has freely given it) that really stretched me as a man.

Nothing Like Fairy Tale

Remember what they used to tell you about Sleeping Beauty? About how she got her true love’s kiss and finally awoke from her curse? Then there’s that all-adored phrase at the end of the story: “…And they lived happily ever after…”

Here’s the simple but hard truth: There is no “Happily ever after” – as if it’s just a sentence and everything’s gonna be alright.

You HAVE to make it alright. You HAVE to make it work. You HAVE to fix conflicts.

It’s an active phase of life, not a passive one as the phrase “Happily ever after” connotes.

I’ve gone through the world being what I’d like to imagine as “a knight in battered armor“ – and it’s likely that a lot of other guys have been through that too.

But it doesn’t mean we could simply lay down our arms and armor and love and retire. No, in fact, it’s the opposite, we have to fight for our marriage, our family, our purity – like never before!

So sharpen your swords, fix up your armor, oil your shield and buckle up because that “Happily ever after” they are so commonly pertaining to?

That’s actually the fight of your lives.

Everything Like Real Love

Love is arguably the most commonly misused, battered, maligned word.

“I love my dog.”

“I love this chocolate.”

“I love beer.”

“I love my wife.”

It’s scattered in so many ways that we are left wondering: “What is love, really?“

Here’s how it is defined in the context of marriage:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.“ – Ephesians 5:25-28

As husbands, we ought to love our wives sacrificially. Men tend to be inherently selfish with ambition, goals, entertainment, and other worldly desires. God tells us to give all that up in our love for our wives.

And there’s an end-goal to this. And that’s to lead her to purity, spiritual growth and whatever she is called for by the Lord (eg.: Proverbs 31)

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.“ – Ephesians 5:22-23

Wives are called to follow the leadership of the husbands in the home and in all aspects of life. It’s not an easy task, but that is the role of wives in marriage and love.

Real love is a two way relationship of giving, sacrifice, commitment, faithfulness, discipline, vision, and togetherness.

It’s also tough. Really tough.

And that’s why marriage is the perfect example of God’s love manifest.

So how does it feel to be married?

Feels like it’s the next step of God’s love and faithfulness in my life – and it’s pretty darn awesome!

Miracles in My Wedding Day

3 MIN READ

April 15, 2014 By Sean 5 Comments

Although I know it may seem well nigh impossible for me to tell you that my wedding day was perfect, it truly was.

We had 530 guests who attended our wedding. It was at the Bellevue Hotel in Alabang. The Grand Ballroom was packed with people.

It was a very beautiful day.

I never imagined this day would come so soon. Yet it has – and all that while I was still just 25 years old.

Indeed, God provides.

Here are some things that I’d like to remember about my wedding day because, as simple as they are, they are no less of a miracle for me.

Zero Spoilage

It was one of the most painful parts of our wedding planning to go back and forth in deciding how many people will we finalize our reception on. We certainly couldn’t predict how many people will or will not attend.

The Grand Ballroom could accommodate 530 people – and that would be the maximum. I was being pressured and stressed out about it and finally I told our parents “Bahala na si Lord. Siya naman magpapapunta ng guests naten eh.”

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I gave God control.

Lo and behold, we invited 570 guests. I was slightly unaware of the excess people invited by our parents. But in the end, it all worked out perfectly. The exact number of people were the exact number of chairs laid out for guests.

Praise God.

I Left the Unity Candle

And I didn’t leave it at my office (which was 10-15 minutes away). I left it in our new home as husband and wife (which was an hour and a half away).

Needless to say I was disheartened and in disarray.

Our wedding coordinator kept telling me not to worry about it.

Then she went ahead to buy the Unity Candles in the nearby Wilcon Builder’s Depot.

Elisa Lim (our wedding coordinator) was one of the unnoticed heroes of our wedding day.

We were Able to Pay Everything

I want to tell you straight: I didn’t have enough money to pay for the wedding.

But God provided – through my parents, through new clients in my business and yes, even through my wife (who was always volunteering to pay off some of the suppliers).

I was just in awe. We didn’t owe anyone anything and we were able to include our friends and loved ones in a wedding we’ve always dreamed of.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” – Proverbs 19:21

You can plan, worry, and plan some more.

But only God can make your wedding day beautiful.

Goodbye to the Single Life

3 MIN READ

February 21, 2014 By Sean 2 Comments

I’ll surely miss you, you know? We’ve had awesome times together you and me. Scuba diving, going out with friends, playing computer games and sports. Never thought it’d be this day.

The thing is, I’m quite happy about it.

Growing up, I always saw myself as the knight in shining armor type. Someone who would be the go-getter of the damsel in distress. You could say I was a romantic – perhaps in a strange way since I’ve never had a girlfriend before I met my fiancee.

FREEDOM – that’s the word that’s held so deeply by individuals today. Mostly men. I know tons of guys who are over and above my age – but they don’t want to get married yet. There are various answers as to why but it all boils down to one thing.

Freedom.

Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to do what they wanna do, when they wanna do it. Freedom to play around with women – countless of women. Freedom to spend their money however they want to do it.

Freedom is nice, you know? It’s not a bad thing. I like freedom.

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The funny thing is, it doesn’t leave you when you get married.

Yeah – you can be married and you can be free. Free to do what you want in the boundaries of marriage.

Sure, you don’t get to play around with women anymore – but I’ve seen men entangled by the thrill of the chase without really loving the women they run after. That’s not freedom for me.

Sure you can spend your money in whatever way – but I’ve seen men chained by their spending habits and consumerism. They are not free.

So what’s freedom really?

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John :32

It has always intrigued me by how many times this verse has been mistaken. The freedom of the knowledge of truth is about knowing God’s Character and His Word and putting it into action.

Playing around with women? Here’s the truth:

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

Driven by consumerism and money? Here you go:

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” – 1 Timothy 6:10

I’m getting married tomorrow. And you know what?

I’m a free man.

I used to tell myself that I’ll be spending most of my life with the girl I love. By God’s grace, that will hold true.

I’m 25 and, God-willing, I still have over half of my life ahead of me.

Tomorrow, I’ll be a happily married, free man.

This is my last blog entry as a single guy. I’m keeping it as honest and transparent as I could make it. Someday I’ll look back to this blog entry and smile.

I know it will always ring true.

For the people who have been reading my humble blog entries, thank you. Thank you for being such a wonderful reader.

My next entries are going to be from a whole new perspective – from the eyes of a married man.

May God richly bless you!

I’m Getting Married!

5 MIN READ

January 22, 2014 By Sean 12 Comments

Almost 5 years ago, I started this blog. God and You. I was a college student who was very hopeful to take off and start my career and earn money. Time flies. A month from now and I’m a married man. What you don’t know is that this is not what I had in mind.

Life was tougher than I thought

My mind was in a very simple state: “Work hard, climb the corporate ladder, get married at 25… Then keep working.” I couldn’t be more wrong. I failed tons of classes in school because of my addiction to computer games, and I was forced to work to help pay my tuition fee.

So I went and got myself hired as a sales agent by my dad’s company. My route was to go through Las Pinas to Cavite – all the way to GMA to sell construction supplies. It may not look it but the job was really tough. Driving around, looking for dirty hardwares to sell to. It was hot, selling was draining, and I wasn’t able to close much deals.

My commission was a measly 1% of all my sales.

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Meaning I had to sell 1,000,000php worth of stocks before I could get a humble 10,000php payout.

I Learned the Value of Money

The respect I had for my dad went through the roof when I experienced being a sales agent. My dad’s been doing it for more than 25 years now. I have never appreciated my dad as much before I became a sales agent myself.

So I told myself I wasn’t going to let myself fail more subjects anymore. Earning money is tough. And I should respect it, not waste it.

My Outlook for a Wife

Here’s the simple list I had for the girl of my dreams:

1) She has to be a Christian. Someone of the same faith as I am. This is the most important trait I’m looking for in a partner in life.

2) She has to be Chinese. This is my dad’s foremost request from me in a girl I will marry. I didn’t want to let him down. Besides, I personally prefer Chinese girls too.

3) She has to have never had a boyfriend before. Crazy, right?

In all these, there’s this underlying thought that has followed me ever since. I would tell myself: “She has to be really simple. Nothing extravagant. Perhaps of a much lower class than me and my family so I won’t have to spend for our ‘Ting Hun’ and ‘Wedding’.”

You see, I didn’t have much money. My family’s not really rich. We’re in the middle class. Perhaps you’re telling yourself “But there’s an upper middle class.” Well, we’re not there. We’re either in the middle-middle class or even in the lower bracket.

I’m not proud or ashamed of it. It is what it is.

I didn’t want anything extravagant for engagement, for marriage, heck, for life! That’s because I knew I couldn’t possibly afford it.

Prayer and Fasting

2009 was the year I prayed and fasted for my future. I sought God for my partner in life, my career or business, and lots of other things. I knew God had a plan for me and I wanted to know it and follow it so I could please Him.

I fasted for 5 days drinking and eating nothing but water as I denied my flesh of any desire. I prayed really hard whenever I would feel the pangs of hunger gnaw at my empty stomach.

That was the year that started it all.

How God and You Changed my Life

Perhaps you didn’t know but this blog has blessed me more than it has blessed anyone else. I bought it with my last money and started writing for the Lord. When I met my fiancee, this was the first thing we talked about – and it was a wonderful conversation.

When I started to practice SEO, this blog was the first training ground and success I ever had. My business started from God and You.

Whatever I learned in life, whatever mistake I made, whatever great news I bore, I wrote it all here. God saw it and used this blog to change my life. A lot of awesome things I’ve ever experienced in life in the 5 short years since I bought and started this blog, has some tie and connection with God and You.

One Month to Go!

Yes I’m very, very excited. I love my fiancee very dearly and we are finally getting married after 3 long years of getting to know each other in a close relationship.

Our wedding is more than I could ever hope or dream of. It’s a wedding that I thought I would never have. And by God’s great grace, I can say that I am a very, very blessed man.

Who would’ve thought that a mere 2,000 pesos given up to the Lord would bring my life such wonderful joy?

This is my testimony. You have seen and read my story here. You know what the best part is?

You could let God write your love story too.

It doesn’t take much.

Just everything.

Why Single Women Shouldn’t Hurry to get Married

5 MIN READ

July 23, 2012 By Sean 2 Comments

I am writing this post because i see a lot of posts from women (mostly) about searching for God’s best and everything. Though it is definitely NOT wrong to pray and think about it, it should not be what we are focused on. I believe we, especially women are not made just to find a GB or get married.. and tendency is what I notice in women is that its like their world revolves around marriage. I think this is a big hindrance of what God ‘s plan is for them or even knowing what God’s plan is in the first place.

Webmaster’s Note: This is a brilliant entry by Kettrice Ng who’s message, I think, should be heard by all the single women out there.

And if your thinking “but the time is ticking?” ticking?? is it YOUR TIME OR GOD’S TIME?? remember a day for God can be a thousand for us. HAHA just messing with you. But i like what my pal Sherry A. said, “The whole biological clock is not just about babies. Women don’t see themselves as a prize when they reach a certain age. When a woman takes care of herself she can be sexy in her thirties, forties, fifties and beyond. There is no ‘shelf-life” for marriage.”

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So I wondered, why do we want to get married so bad?

So someone can take care of us? God does.

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

Someone to tell us we are beautiful – “We are beautiful cause God made us. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” – Genesis 1:31

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

Myth: You will feel secure when you’re with someone

Truth: God is our safest haven. God tells us that those who run into His strong tower are safe.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.-” Proverbs 18:10

Myth: No one loves us

Truth: I cannot be separated from the love of God.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:35-39

And the list goes on and on.

I am not against marriage at all. Of course it is God’s invention to man and nothing wrong in desiring a husband or wife. What I’m saying is, it can’t be your only goal in life and what you focus on all the time. For both men and women, Marriage should not be one’s ultimate goal in life or it becomes an idol.

There is danger with the multitude of matchmaking web sites, the multitude of books and programs on marriage and the family, and comments by friends and relatives implying one should get married, that results in our putting too much emphasis on marriage rather than on Jesus. Marriage is only one channel of benefiting others, and being married does not guarantee that one will benefit the life of another.

I came to a point in my life when I realized that you don’t need a man to feel fulfilled in life. Actually a partner can cause so much problems when you are not spiritually mature enough or when you’re still not “there” in God’s timetable . It may lead to a lot of befuddlement. Surprisingly, right now marriage doesn’t cross my mind as often anymore, perhaps if there’s someone really special enough and its clear from God that its his time, I would consider it. When i was young i wanted to marry at the age of 23 haha – too early I know.

But i was young then and the more I came close to Christ the more I don’t need someone else.. its just a bonus in life really. Do you agree? Right now in this moment of my existence, I am so content in God that i think no man can make me feel this way. Ever. And I’m writing this note so girls, ladies, women (boys or men) will stop focusing about their prince charming/ damsel in distress. When she/he’ll come in a horse for me I’ll say to that prince: adios!! for I’m still growing and doing my own thing. Go ride off into the sunset and I’ll catch up later…

A partner is just a bonus from God. But don’t rush and don’t ever settle. “And you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” – Colossians 2:10

I am complete in Christ.

The Wedding Olympics

< 1 MIN READ

March 13, 2010 By Sean 4 Comments

To all the singles out there (me included) we’re most probably hoping to settle down and get married someday, yeah? We’re working hard to earn money for our so-called future. We’re daydreaming of the day when we get to meet our special other and have that magical love story with him/her. We’re competing on something I’d like to call the Wedding Olympics.

The Wedding Olympics: doesn't it look absurd to you?

This entry has been inspired by the Single life that I’m living and the urge to marry. It is also inspired by the book “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

“Listen, kid. A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you aren’t enough without it, believe me, you’ll never be enough with it.” – The coach in the movie ‘Cool Runnings’

It’s not something to set your eyes on

Sometimes we make it the goal of our lives to get settled and rich and to have a nice, secure job and start a family. It becomes a big milestone in our lives. Getting married and settling down has become more of a goal in our lives than we think. And oftentimes this goal we have overshadows our bigger vision of living for God or serving Him and shining our light for Him in this dark, dreary world.

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Yes finding a spouse is important and getting married and settling down is outright desirable and very exciting. It’s just that we shouldn’t set our eyes on it so much so that we make God’s plan for us a fallback net to catch us when we lose in the Wedding Olympics.

The gold medal will never make us enough

It was never meant to make us enough. Getting married and settling down is great! It is a wonderful thing. But once you make it your end-goal, hoping that it would make you ‘enough’, you are dead wrong. You will only be disappointed when you find out that once you get there, it isn’t enough for you.

Only Christ can make you enough

If you aren’t enough now without a spouse, do you think getting married will satisfy that? Do you think a wedding can make you ‘enough’? I don’t think so. Just look at all the divorces taking place. A marriage is never meant to make you enough or complete. It is meant for companionship in life, not for filling up that longing for eternity and purpose in you.

So before you pray and seek God’s plan for your life in the aspect of marriage, do your best to abide in Him and develop your relationship with Him. Make yourself ‘enough’ now in Christ so that even when you get into marriage, you would already have been enough in the first place – and in that sense, you can help your spouse become ‘enough’ if he or she isn’t already so. But I would, of course, advise that you look for someone who is also already ‘enough’ by him or herself. Be wise in all of your decisions and lift them all up in prayer to God.