We talk to people everyday. We talk to ones we know and don’t know and ones we know and know us; sometimes even better than we know ourselves. And because they do, at the slightest change of tone in our voice, they are affected.
This article was inspired by Dr. Eggerichs, ‘Love and Respect’ book and my everyday conversations with family and loved ones.
Being born and raised in a Chinese family, shouting and tone raising was quite a norm especially when proving a point. This was normal for me until I grew more mature in the Christian faith.
I realized that tone raising and being defensive on what you think is correct may be right, but it may not necessarily be kind. And because of this, it doesn’t really make you right.
When we see our parents having conflicts, usually the one raising his/her tone seems to be the one arguing as compared to the one being shouted at or the one listening. Am I right? And the one listening may not necessarily understand what the other is saying because he/she is either distracted, hurt or disrespected by the tone of voice.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 18:21.
I have mentioned in some of my articles how Sean, (and most men) tends to stonewall and be quiet once he feels disrespected. And I believe that though conflicts are inevitable, they don’t have to be hurtful.
In my quiet time, God also spoke to me through this verse,
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”-1 Peter 3: 1-2 (emphasis mine).
By God’s grace, in a few months, I will soon be wed to a God-fearing, kind man. We don’t normally shout at each other but when in conflict, I remember decibels rising. Particularly mine. It’s not very easy to obey this verse. But in my relationship with Sean, this verse proves to be true.
You see, when women are upset, most of us express it by talking about it in order to let it out and hear our partner’s side of the story. However, it is also very probable that we say things that may offend and come across as disrespectful to our partner. In effect, they don’t feel respected, thus they keep quiet. Consequently, us women, see it as our partner not wanting to work this out; thus feeling unloved.
Going back to the verse, women are asked to trust in God and in the love of their husbands towards them and pray. We are asked to win our partners by our behavior and character. Hard? Impossible? YES! AGREED!
But not with God’s help.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Gal. 2:20.
There have been times when I was not able to practice this verse with Sean or my father (men in general). And it grew out of proportion. Don’t get me wrong ladies, I am not asking you to sulk it in, or martyr yourself. What I’m saying is, how big is you GOD? Do you trust your Creator enough with your heart? Remember, He was the one who gave you life, who ordained your days, activities everything. Do you trust your spouse? Remember your vows to each other and how you were so very in love.
I’m saying: FAITH in GOD’s WORD.
Learn from me. I’ve made my mistakes in saying the”right” things my way. And I ended up regretting them. Learn from your past. I’m sure you’ve also said some things you wish you can take back.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” –Phil. 4:13.